The Orlando Sentinel posted an article today on Collaborative Divorce. Collaborative divorce is an alternative way to resolve a divorce case without resorting to litigation. I was actually trained as a collaborative lawyer in 2001. However, it has been slow to pick up steam in Alabama. In fact, many divorce attorneys in Alabama that I have spoken to have expressed their reluctance to hanlde cases collaboratively. I think that will change. As it becomes more common and more people find out about it, there will be a market demand for it.

The only real down side to collaborative divorce can be the expense. But, it is far less costly than a traditional adversarial divorce.

I have been working on something called the No Nonsense Divorce that I think will provide another viable option for families in Alabama trying to cope with divorce. It is a way for divorcing couples to streamline the divorce process and to resolve their case for a fixed fee that is far less than would be incurred in litigation. I’ll be posting more about No Nonsense Divorce here as soon as we have all of the parts in place.

Until then, I encourage you to read the article linked above on Collaborative Divorce. It captures some of the same themes that I urge my clients to consider in the way we handle their divorce case.

The UPI ran this article entitled, Divorce Lawyers find GPS Useful. In it they describe how many divorce lawyers are increasingly using data from global positioning satellites to track vehicle movements and location in order to prove adultery. I have found this occurring more frequnelty in my Alabama divorce cases as well. The article correctly points out that one of the advantages of using a GPS instead of hiring a private investigator is the cost savings. You can hire a p.i. for several hours at a time over several different days and you may or may not time it correctly to gather evidence. On the other hand, the GPS data will be there all of the time and isn’t charging you by the hour.

The article also states that an advantage to the GPS is that an owner of the vehicle can conceal it on the car. My only word of caution about that is that the laws vary from state to state and are constantly changing. So, before you go put a GPS on your vehicle that your spouse doesn’t know about, you should run it by your divorce lawyer first.

The American Bar Association’s Commission on Domestic Violence has published a very helpful resource which contains safety tips for victims of domestic violence. It includes practical tips for protecting your children and yourself at home, at work, and elsewhere.

The document can be downloaded for free here.

Thanks to Ben Stevens of the South Carolina Family Law Blog for the tip.

I have never really considered “virtual visitation” or contact between parents and children over a computer video connection to be practical. However, after reading Ann Sanner’s AP article titled “‘Virtual’ Visits Pushed in Several States,” I may have to make this part of the visitation options I discuss with certain of my clients. While it obviously should not be used as a substitute for actual physical visitation, in the right circumstances it seems that this could help many parents and children maintain their relationship.

The article above describes a prime example of when virtual visitation would be appropriate and desirable. The Father lives in another country and only gets to exercise in-person visits a few times per year. Even so, his divorce agreement guarantees him contact with his 5 year old daughter by internet video connection and he usually gets to talk to her this way at least two times per week. The fact that they are able to look at one another during these talks seems to make a big difference in the quality of his contact as opposed to mere telephone conversations.

While local Judges may not be familiar with this method of contact, based on the very broad discretion Judges have in this state when it comes to visitation matters, I think it is something they have the power to order now, without the need to have a specific statute autorizing it. With the proliferation of broadband internet connections as well as the ease with which these video connections can be set up, there is no reason to only consider them in situations where the parties are separted by long distances. These contacts could just as easily take place as a part of local visitation situations.

In Alabama, the calculation of child support is governed by Alabama Rule of Judicial Procedure 32. ”Rule 32″ as it is called contains very specific instructions for how a non-custodial parent’s child support is to be determined. Once the calculation has been completed, judges are obligated to order that parent to pay that specific amount without deviation unless there is a specific reason to make the ordered amount higher or lower. One of the reasons to deviate specifically mentioned in Rule 32 concerns the situation when one parent lives far enough away from their children that they incur substantial costs to travel to see their children. These days travel to see your children in their hometown can get expensive with gas or airplane fares rising every day, not to mention hotel costs and meals at restaurants. This can be an important issue to raise in several situations.

If you are the non-custodial parent and you have to move away from your children, then this can be the basis of a motion to reduce your child support. That is especially true if you are going to be paid less money to work at your new job. In that case you can request a reduction for both reasons. Of course, anytime you are divorced and there are children involved, there is always a chance that you will have further disagreements that result in potential litigation before a judge. As a result, documenting these extra expenses with receipts, bank records and/or credit card statements is essential to giving yourself a chance to get the judge to agree with your position. Remember, the person paying child support is always the one that bears the burden to prove payment of support no matter what form.

Travel costs can also be important if you are the custodial parent and you are the one that is moving. If you notify your Ex that you intend to move and they object, litigation attempting to get a judge to allow the move can be complicated, time consuming and expensive. Offering to reduce the child support they are paying as a way to get them to agree to the move is one of many tools you can use to settle the dispute.

The Alabama Court of Civil Appeals recently held that a prenuptial agreement was valid, even though it was signed by the parties one day before their wedding and wife failed to read the entire document.

The court found that the wife was not prevented from reading the agreement, and that as a real estate agent she should have been familiar with the import of reading a legal document.

The Court apparently also found it important that the wife knew the husband was a “millionaire” before they married, and thus was aware of the general extent of his assets at the time she signed the agreement. Reportedly the wife attempted to seek legal advice, but when she was advised that her attorney was unavailable she declined to seek other counsel.

There are several lessons here: one is not to sign a prenuptial agreement on the day before your wedding. I can’t tell you how many of the people that come to retain me to help them with their prenuptial agreements that wait until the last minute. That is a terrible idea. The other lesson is to get legal counsel. In this case, the wife likely gave up significant legal rights. And, whether she was a real estate agent or not, she may not have fully appreciated the impact her signature had.

It seems ironic that a divorce lawyer might offer marriage advice. When the Minister of Education at my church asked me to teach Sunday School to the Newlyweds, I gave him a hard time about bringing in a divorce lawyer to teach to young married couples. But, I really don’t know someone more qualified to tell you what to do and not do in your marriage than a divorce lawyer. In my divorce practice in Mobile and Baldwin County, I have seen all the problems that tend to contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. Maybe you know a young (or not so young couple) that could benefit from this information.

Here, in my experience, are the top five problems that contribute to divorce:

1. Money – Whether it is differences in values about money, issues about control of the money or financial pressures that put a strain on the relationship, money issues often lead to divorce. Best to get on the same page early, be fair about how the money is controlled, and attempt to understand and accommodate your spouse’s views on money.

2. Communication – I will often have a client of mine that is going through divorce tell me that they love their spouse, they are just no longer in love with them. I’m not sure exactly what that means. But, typically it is a sign that the couple quit having meaningful communication with one another some time ago. Communicate deeply and often with your spouse.

3. Lack of Commitment – I don’t intend to get on my soapbox about this issue, but it is hard to dispute that our nation no longer has the same view of marriage we once did. Sometimes a divorce is the only option, but quite frequently (particularly with younger couples, it seems) I will see one or the other spouse who really cannot express a good reason why they want the divorce. One divorce lawyer I know comments on how the threshold on what it takes to get someone to pull the trigger on divorce has decreased dramatically in the past twenty years. Perhaps it has something about how self absorbed and tied to instant gratification we have become. It will keep divorce lawyers in business, but it is sad for us as a nation.

4. Physical Addictions – Thankfully they occur in the minority of cases that I see. But, when they do, they are quite tragic. Whether it is alcohol, illegal drugs or prescription drugs, the effects of addiction can obviously be devastating. The best advice is to intervene early and get professional help.

5. Sex – Of course, sexual problems frequently lead to divorce as well. But, their effect is probably overestimated. Generally speaking infidelity is a sign of other problems in the marriage, not the original problem. Increasingly, however, I am seeing the internet playing a role in these cases. Whether it is pornographic websites or the ability to meet others anonymously and easily online, the internet provides new snares for a relationship that did not previously exist.

Despite the fact that I help my clients navigate their way through divorce, I do not encourage divorce. Hopefully this advice will help someone avoid it all together.

A recent study by the Mayo clinic concludes that a healthy marriage is good for your health. The study found that the benefits of a healthy marriage include lower rates of disease, a longer life span and a greater sense of well-being.

The definition of a happy marriage as used in the study is one in which the parties enjoy strong commitment and open lines of communications.

The study keyed its conclusions to the fact that they found that the happily married subjects had less stress.

The article can be found at this link.

For my divorcing clients the lesson here is that you are more at risk for health problems during a divorce. At that time, more than any other, it is important to enjoy proper diet, exercise regularly, and find emotional and spiritual support.

Regular readers of this blog will know that we have been following a series of posts by Ben Stevens at the South Carolina Family Law Blog about the Secrets to a Happy Marriage.

Ben has posted secrets number 4 (After the Fight, Review the Match) and 5 (Finding the Self in the We).

Ben Stevens at the South Carolina Family Law Blog has posted #2 in the series of Secrets to a Happy Marriage.

His guest blogger, a pastoral marriage and family therapist, obviously knows his subject. His first “secret” was regarding transparency in money issues. This one speaks to good communication skills and “breaking” your spouse’s “code.” Good stuff.